I am back

from da flu.

written Jan. 9, 2024

I have been in my feels as of late. That’s largely because I am recovering from da flu — and, boy, was she nasty.

At my worst I was completely bed ridden and achey, with fiery coughs coming from my lungs, causing me to writhe in pain. I eventually improved, and was more comfortable lounging around the house, fixing some tea or a small snack to satiate me while watching Real Housewives. I was annoyed, congested, and longingly looking out my window at the gorgeous, sunny January days Santa Barbara is known for.

I got out for a few walks, but I was weak and whiny — this was not the way I pictured the year “starting.”

It’s a good thing time and dates are arbitrary. I decided this didn’t have to be a start at all. It was just another collection of days (including my birthday) and I would get to the other side of my illness and re-enter the world again, full of inspiration and hope.

We humans are emotional, but adaptable. Resilient. And this wasn’t the firstsecondorthird time I had lost hope, only to find it again.

I really only started feeling this way today, this morning. But, damn, am I grateful to feel anything after this week of forced rest and recovery! I was scared for a moment there. I was doubting so much, in a way only a body-arresting flu makes you doubt everything.

Yesterday I even had the thought: “Am I even a writer anymore?” and I spiraled for a few moments, wondering if I’d ever feel compelled again to explore my thoughts in this format, if I still held deep meaning in creating, in being artiste💅

But, thankfully (and not all that surprisingly), my tune has changed. I’m back to believin’, baby! In art / writing / creating from a real place — and doing so because I want to, and probably because I’m meant to.

An evening collaging session with Cody really helped shift my mindset, looking back. I had decided 2 weeks ago that I’d enter a poster contest for a beloved musical event in my hometown taking place in May. I made my trip to FedEx and printed the images I wanted to use. I bought myself a lil glue stick :’)

I started the poster — a collage using an old photo of my bisabuelo and his conjunto band — but, beyond laying out its various elements, I never got around to actually putting it together. The materials sat atop my desk for days, mocking my attempt at spontaneously creating for the fun of it. And then we left to New Orleans for 1 week.

Anywho, I had all but decided I was done with the project. I wouldn’t see it through. The initial spark was now a low-flickering glimmer of it's former self. But Cody encouraged me to get back to it. Both of us had been sick and stuck in the house for a week or so by then. We’d already watched several movies together, taken a few walks, and we needed to shake things up.

Turns out a lil music, tea, and crafting with your love can really do miracles for your spirit. (Again, we are emotional, but we are adaptable!)

Anyway, I finished the poster! And I like it! Whether it gets chosen or not by the event committee…well idk, but either way I am truly happy I’ve even taken it this far. It reminded me that, yes, creative ideas do indeed still reside within me.

I can make pretty things :’) <3

And, yes, I may be in my feels, digging deeper than normal. But, damn it, I believe we all can.